Just Treats, No Tricks!
It starts with Halloween, doesn’t it? The sway and bend to only-this-time-of-the-year treats? Have you noticed that all things pumpkin spice show up earlier and earlier every year? Now, I have a thought: What if we could change the mindset on these treats from a “fixed mindset” to a “growth mindset”?
You may or may not be familiar with the concept of mindset. It was developed by motivation researcher and Stanford professor of psychology, Carol Dweck. In a growth mindset, people believe that their most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work—brains and talent are just the starting point. This view creates a love of learning and a resilience that is essential for great accomplishment. It has primarily been used in the education field, but I think it works for eating also.
We tend to have a fixed mindset in our culture about food and eating–what is good to eat, or bad; when and when not to eat; how much or how little to eat, and so on. I don’t think a fixed mindset serves us very well.
Halloween candy, for example, is in abundance and available as a “special” thing this time of year. But is it really so special? It is if it’s the only time of the year that you allow yourself to eat it. It is if you have your heart set on only eating candy when it’s in the shape of a ghost or spider.
We tend to make food/treats more special at certain times of the year, when we deprive ourselves at other times. I call this a fixed mindset.
For sure, I don’t expect you to make Aunt Mathilda’s fruit cake year-round and take the yearning that comes only once a year for that delight away. That truly is special.
Back in the day, when we used to take our son trick-or-treating (he’s in college now), we would come home with his pillow case full of fun size treats and dump it out on the living room floor for sorting. You see, my child doesn’t like chocolate. I know, it sounds absurd, but it’s true. And aside from a few mini Krackle bars, my husband isn’t partial to the genius of cacao either. I know. I don’t understand either. Have you noticed that the majority of Halloween candy is chocolate? I have. My son made out with orange and black jellybeans, some Jolly Ranchers, and on a good night, Nerd Ropes. The chocolate was mine. My solution in those days was to do my indulging, no holds barred, that night and only that night. Then, I would bag it, ready for my husband to deposit it at the school he worked at. I would feel sick and guilty about the binge, and generally unfulfilled. I might even sneak some of my son’s non-chocolate candy, which is not my thing, just because it was calling to me from the top of the fridge (where it was supposed to be out of sight, out of mind).
I’ve learned for myself, and from working with my clients for many years, that doing it this way–in a fixed mindset–is not the way to go.
Indulgence vs Deprivation= No-Win Situation
The suggestion? Don’t deprive, because it never works out. Allowing yourself to have treats on a regular basis normalizes desire, so it’s not such a big deal anymore! There is less chance that it will become an indulgence if it’s simply something you enjoy from time to time. No shame, no guilt, just allowing. And being really clear about what you honestly and truly desire.
This is about moving from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset, so it may take some time to get on board. It’s not always easy or natural to ask yourself what you are truly desiring, whether it’s food, treats, or anything else in life. How about just starting here, with the idea that it’s ok to to make a choice about the candy in your life? The growth mindset helps us to learn things we thought maybe we couldn’t, expanding our view about what’s possible.
•Are the Kit Kats what you’re really wanting, or is this the only time of year that you allow yourself to have one? If it’s truly satisfying, make sure that it’s in regular rotation as a treat!
•Ask yourself if this is the kind of chocolate (or other treat) that will truly be satisfying or is it just “in your face” so it feels like you don’t have a choice. Maybe you don’t even really want a treat at the time it’s available–or ever! We often just take what’s there because it’s in our space. If that’s not what you really desire, or you’re not really wanting it then, no FOMO! Think about what your choices really are: take some for later, go find what you’re really wanting now, or make sure you can get it later.
•Experiment with brands, quality, and taste sensations to get the treat that you really want. It will always be more satisfying and enjoyable.
And keep a jar of pumpkin spice in your cupboard…just in case you need it in May!
Halloween is just the beginning! Take a look at some other blog posts, to get ready for the approaching holidays! For starters, check out: Holiday Hungers
Above all, be gentle with yourself, and know that you are loved,
